An open letter

Dear Ridley Scott,

In regards to your latest blockbuster - Robin Hood

Shit. Seriously. Crap

 A few dot points why

1.  It wasn't even close to the Robin Hood story. Which is forgivable if your replacement made me go "gees I wish this was the Robin Hood story" But i didn't. For two reasons (1) your story was shit and (2) i never use the phrase gees
2. You had arguably 90 minutes of movie which you massaged into 2:40hrs worth of self important quasi political drizzle. Its like a bloated reality TV show which takes an hour to tell you what you could know in 10 minutes.
3. The Robin Hood legend does mention a little more archery than in this movie
4. Rusty Crowes Accent? Its about as English as Nicole Kidmans is Australian

Please return my money spent on this movie ( I also bought a popcorn but am happy to cover that cost as it had more substance, character development and plot than your movie and as such was more enjoyable)

Now go and sit yourself down and watch Alien. Which is arguably closer to the Robin Hoods story than this one (1)

Congrats on your impending Rotten Tomato award btw. 

Yours

Captain Angry Ranty Pants

 

1. Not really but so angry I am not making much sense

An open letter

Dear everyone associated with he’s not that into you

I would like my money back ($11 Australian) as I have recently seen your film and it was nothing like the preview I saw. I am expressing my displeasure

The preview led me to believe that

1. it was a funny lighthearted comedy, edging on rom com (a genre I don’t particularly like but can go into if its an ensemble piece or doesn’t have Hugh Grant in it)
2. It had a lot of Drew Barrymore in. An actor who I respect both for her comic timing, always playing the same character and the fact she marries some very unique individuals
3. a clever expose on the 21^st century dating world including online dating.

Now lets admit it

1. not funny.
2. Drew not in it enough, and despite the over exposure of Scarlett. I think this is an inexcusable omission. I know Jen Anniston has good comic timing, plays the same character and has gone out with some unique individuals but she hasn’t married them thus the problem. John Mayer is no Tom Green
3. One scene about My Spacing doesn’t not make a clever expose. It was more an awkward attempt by some 40 something’s to be hip

There was much more to dislike but I will leave my rantings to your obvious breaking of the contract between us vis a vis the preview and the movie.

Congratulations though on not casting Lindsay Lohan or featuring Penguins, two movie techniques I despise. Also please pass my compliments to the Art Director for making it really obvious who lived in each house by the design. It’s nice to see work experience kids get a shot these days and it was lovely of your associate producers to write the script. Writers? Pointless.

But back to the preview, something that should in some way fairly represent the movie otherwise you are a dirtystinkingnogoodliar and if that’s the way you want to operate well so be it. But you won’t have any friends. Not even Paris Hilton. and shes friends with anyone. Anyone.

Now some movies I know will have shown me all the jokes in the preview and I don’t need to see it (reference any movie by Adam Sandler, Jim Carreys later work and the Ice Age trilogy) but I really think you have let me down in this instance.

I expect an apology, a refund and a undertaking that the next film preview you make won’t be so obviously wrong or a complete removal from the movie industry business.

Yours truly,

Captain Ranty Pants