From the bowels

A blog post flashback. Written for University of  Western Australia Pelican mag circa 1997

What options are there for a pagan like myself on al ong Easter weekend? Swancon. What is a Swancon you cry? Swancon is Perth’s very own science fiction and fantasy convention where sci-fi fans (some nerds), literature fans (mostly nerds), manga fans (anime nerds), comic readers (nerds) and gamers (NERDS) get together.

Pelican would like to state the opinions made in this article are solely the views of the writer and not of the editorial team in general. We in fact think it is derogatory and demeaning to call all these groups of people nerds when it is plainly obvious some are dags, geeks and others are just weird.

So Swancon here I come. I was very keen to keen to get the T-shirt, especially seeing last years looked like a flying penis. Clever social satire or crappy screen-printing? I dunno but I wanted whatever they were serving up.

I chose Saturday to be my day of joy. I didn’t think my excitement meter could last the full pulse-pounding (see just the thought had me talking in comic book descriptions) weekend! I grabbed the program and excitedly scanned the list of guests. Robert Silverburg! Excellent I’d never read his books but he’s famous and doesn’t his books have those half clad chicks on the cover! Hmmmm half clad barbarian chicks

And look at all the rest of the guests there’s ….some chick who edits with Robert. Great she should be…interesting and look there’s…a famous sci fi fan and another famous sci fi fan. Great. Okay there was a lot of people who I’d never heard off and must be really famous to the organisers but hey I’m sure they are great and it’s Perth and we couldn’t expect lots of famous people.

There was also the thrill of all the panel discussions. Such subjects like “We was cross dressing before you were born”, “Coming out as a fan fiction writer” and the ever favorite “Famous crash landings in science and science fiction”. Hold on, there was some important topics missing! Where was “ How to dress to blend into the crowd”, “Junk food through the ages” and “picking up a live, warm one”.

I made a note to have a chat to the organisers about their oversight noting down “ Goths; Just nerds in black?”, “Words to get you out of social situations” and the essential “ Internet Porn; Can you claim it on your tax” as other important topics for future Swancons.

Now I have to break it to you softly but I picked the wrong day for “How to make foam rubber weaponry” but I have instigated a petition for it to be a weekly meeting. Email your plea for this vital societal service to Iwanttohitpeoplewithsillythings@yahoo.com.

I also missed the “Godzilla; through the ages”, a this is your life type presentation. Unfortunately the big fella couldn’t be in attendance. But the organisers had organised a stuffed blue tongue to stand in for him though I heard he wasn’t too good with the lip synching (or maybe that was he was too good with it)

I did manage a quick visit to the gamers lounge (okay a little bit of an oxymoron) where the fun guys (and I’m not generalizing with that term) had organised many fun games for all. After three seconds of scanning the room, noticing the sheer amount of caffeine on the table and the general fugue in the room I made my polite excuses (“Okay, I’m outta here!”) and left.

Now before you all picket the Pelican offices in a rage. I saw a lot of people at Swancon who it would be incorrect to call nerds and it was great the other guests at Rydges felt comfortable enough to walk through the hotel still. And not all gamers are lacking all social graces. And there are normal people who read comics. It’s just a pity you can count these exceptions on your thumbs.

Of course there is nothing wrong with being a nerd. Quite frankly if I had a choice between Swancon and the social pages of the Perth weekly I’d be putting on the pocket protector and dancing down to Geeksville.

Okay I admit it I was one. I’ve come out. You happy now. I miss it. I want to drink too much coke, play too much Dungeon and Dragon, argue if star trek is better than star wars, quote far too many Monty Python sketches and go quiet whenever a girl comes within a two mile radius of me. I want to throw out my cool clothes and remember how sensible breast pockets are and why over coats are so useful. I’m getting Mum to cut my hair and I’m going back.

So next month look forward to my informative article “ Cool people, why you suck” Gyuck gyuck gyuck.. Now where’s my old D and D character?

Supanova

So I went to Supernova today. Whoops sorry Supanova. Names are important in these worlds I know. Details are also incredibly important I realized as I listened to three people arguing about who payed R2 D2 in which movie. Information is power also it seems, as the 'host ' of the room we were all sitting in wielded his power with his inside knowledge of the actors who played R2D2 and the gold gay one. 

I chose today (Saturday) to be my day of joy. I didn’t think my excitement meter could last the full pulse-pounding (see just the thought had me talking in comic book descriptions) weekend! I grabbed the program and excitedly scanned the list of guests and it was great to see Lou Feirrigno is still kicking, and that Michael Winslow has time in his undoubtedly huge schedule to fit in an appearance and that the Joss Whedon girls get a way to make money between his various canceled series

And look at all the rest of other the guests there’s ….there's some voice artists for Manga .. Great they should be…interesting and look there’s…uhm...arr...who's that? Great. Oh there's an Australian artist who drew a cover once. Super. 

Okay there was a lot of people who I’d never heard off and must be really famous to the organisers but hey I’m sure they are great and it’s Australia and we couldn’t expect lots of famous people. Or any
At this point may I must apologize to the guy who played Boba Fett in the prequels about that fact no one wanted your autograph. Ever. Sorry, dude.

There was also the thrill of all the panel discussions. Such subjects like “We was cross dressing before you were born”, “Coming out as a fan fiction writer” and the ever favorite “Famous crash landings in science and science fiction”. Hold on, there were some important topics missing! Where was “How to dress to blend into the crowd”, “Junk food through the ages” and “picking up a live, warm one”. (1)

I made a note to have a chat to the organisers about their oversight noting down “Goths; Just nerds in black?”, “Words to get you out of social situations” and the essential “Internet Porn; Can you claim it on your tax” as other important topics for future Supanovas.

I missed the “Godzilla; through the ages”, this is your life type presentation. Unfortunately the big fella couldn’t be in attendance. But the organisers had organised a stuffed blue tongue to stand in for him though I heard he wasn’t too good with the lip synching (or maybe that was he was too good with it)

I did manage a quick visit to a Q and A with Cordelia (what, she has a real name?) and enjoyed the barrage of intelligent and well formed questions like " Who would win a fight between you or Sarah Michelle Geller?" "Who was your favourite kiss?" and the incisive "whats Joss Whedon really like?" The combine dintelligence of Sydneys Whedonverse (tm) was outstanding.
Congrats also to the guys from the local wrestling group, Continental Rasslin' Australian Productions, who put on a great show proving that....that?.... that........ oh i don't know I just walked past them quickly in a vain search for food that wouldn't kill me.

Now before you all leave comments in a rage. I saw a lot of people at Supanova who it would be incorrect to call nerds and not all geeeks are lacking all social graces. And there are normal people who read comics plus some people didn’t dress up in vaguely homo-erotic cosplay choices (I am sure Darth Vader should have been taller and less, how can I put this, ..well obviously the Death Star canteen really puts out the sloppy joes for lunch)  It’s just a pity you can count the exceptions of normality on your thumbs.

Of course there is nothing wrong with being a nerrd. Quite frankly if I had a choice between Supanova and the social pages of the Daily Telegraph I’d be putting on the pocket protector and dancing down to Geeksville. Frankly what event isn't made better by people dressing up and asking each other to stop for photos (aside from the running of the bulls)

Okay I admit it. I was one. A nerrd. A geeek.

I’ve come out. You happy now. and yes, I miss it. I want to drink too much coke, play too much Dungeon and Dragon, I want to argue if star trek is better than star wars, quote far too many Monty Python sketches and go quiet whenever a girl comes within a two mile radius of me. I want to throw out my cool clothes and remember how sensible pockets on shirts are and why trench coats are still so useful in all types of weather . I’m getting Mum to cut my hair and I’m going back.

So next month look forward to my informative article “Cool people, why you suck” Gyuck gyuck gyuck.. Now where’s my old D and D character?



(1) None of this actually happened or would ever happen but I like to follow my tangent to the end