Bullshit
What is with this annual lie about festive good will? Its bullshit. In fact i will upgrade it to bullshite!
This myth that once a year 'we do unto others' and are full of "festive cheer' is a pile of smelly crap. Christmas is the most pressured, selfish season of the year. Okay, yes I will admit for about 48 hours from sometime on Christmas eve (possibly after the shops shut ) to Boxing Day people are genuinely nice to each other. Hoorah! And somewhat generous
But that's it
The time leading up to Christmas should be called the season to be selfish. People are pushy, pushing their way so they can all get out ahead of everyone else> People tick off lists of things they have to do
"Thank god I've sent off my Christmas Cards
"I've got my presents wrapped"
"What am I going to get Weird Uncle Nutso?"
People. chill.
No one said you had to do Christmas and if you have chosen to be part of the festival then why not at least fucking smile.
Showing posts with label Twelve whinges of Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Twelve whinges of Christmas. Show all posts
The Christmas Party
A Guest post by Miss Commander
It's the Christmas season, and I bet you're all planning 'dressy but not to informal' outfits for those extravagant chrissie parties that your fabulous workplaces are throwing for you and their other valued employees. Am I jealous? Of what, creepy Phil from accounts trying to grope you by the photocopier? Or of the hangover you'll have the next day from mixing your drinks and eating those nasty reheated sausage rolls (that you end up vomiting in an office cubicle that has a handy chart on the back door that tells you how dehydrated you are judging by the colour of your wee, which by the way, today is a 'dangerously dehydrated' rancid pineapple juice yellow)? No. Of course I'm not jealous.
Ok. You got me. I am a little jealous of you gainfully employed types who get a fuss made of them at Christmas time, just because you get a regular paycheck.
As a self employed artsy fartsy type, no one is there come December to thank me for all my hard work, for shlepping all across Melbourne, teaching your kids about the dangers of cyber bullying and unprotected sex (unless you have girls that go to Catholic school, in which case they've just be warned that they're going to get a period, and don't worry, its normal for girls to be mean to each other).
Does anyone care how many brands I've promoted in too tight t-shirts? And I've certainly never heard of a life models Christmas party, and that's one that might actually be interesting to attend, given our enthusiasm for being naked in rooms full of strangers. Adding alcohol to that mix could only be a good thing.
You're probably wondering where all this bitterness comes from. Surely I knew when I trotted happily off to acting school that no one would ever address a kris kringle to me or agonise over the lack of gluten free mince pies available for festive morning teas, should I insist on pursuing a career in the arts unsupported by regular employment?
No, this bitterness comes from the fact that in 10 years of working life, not once have I ever been invited to a work Christmas party (even when I did hold down relatively 'normal' jobs). And with my current career trajectory, this seems unlikely to change.
So here I am, left lamenting the lack of loose nights out with colleagues, and the absence of tacky gifts of the “under $10” variety. I'll never know the joy of decorating a cubicle with tinsel or of exchanging religion non specific cards with co-workers of questionable faith.
Seeing as I'm a small business, surely any alcohol bought for the express purpose of thanking me for my years hard work could be claimed back on the tax that I never pay because I don't earn enough money to pay any? Surely?
Right then. That's settled. I'm off to the bottle shop. Must remember to get a receipt, and try not to loose it in my haste to down entire bottles of port in one go. That's what I call a Merry Christmas.
Cat posts here in between missing a proper workplace and making her own festive fun
It's the Christmas season, and I bet you're all planning 'dressy but not to informal' outfits for those extravagant chrissie parties that your fabulous workplaces are throwing for you and their other valued employees. Am I jealous? Of what, creepy Phil from accounts trying to grope you by the photocopier? Or of the hangover you'll have the next day from mixing your drinks and eating those nasty reheated sausage rolls (that you end up vomiting in an office cubicle that has a handy chart on the back door that tells you how dehydrated you are judging by the colour of your wee, which by the way, today is a 'dangerously dehydrated' rancid pineapple juice yellow)? No. Of course I'm not jealous.
Ok. You got me. I am a little jealous of you gainfully employed types who get a fuss made of them at Christmas time, just because you get a regular paycheck.
As a self employed artsy fartsy type, no one is there come December to thank me for all my hard work, for shlepping all across Melbourne, teaching your kids about the dangers of cyber bullying and unprotected sex (unless you have girls that go to Catholic school, in which case they've just be warned that they're going to get a period, and don't worry, its normal for girls to be mean to each other).
Does anyone care how many brands I've promoted in too tight t-shirts? And I've certainly never heard of a life models Christmas party, and that's one that might actually be interesting to attend, given our enthusiasm for being naked in rooms full of strangers. Adding alcohol to that mix could only be a good thing.
You're probably wondering where all this bitterness comes from. Surely I knew when I trotted happily off to acting school that no one would ever address a kris kringle to me or agonise over the lack of gluten free mince pies available for festive morning teas, should I insist on pursuing a career in the arts unsupported by regular employment?
No, this bitterness comes from the fact that in 10 years of working life, not once have I ever been invited to a work Christmas party (even when I did hold down relatively 'normal' jobs). And with my current career trajectory, this seems unlikely to change.
So here I am, left lamenting the lack of loose nights out with colleagues, and the absence of tacky gifts of the “under $10” variety. I'll never know the joy of decorating a cubicle with tinsel or of exchanging religion non specific cards with co-workers of questionable faith.
Seeing as I'm a small business, surely any alcohol bought for the express purpose of thanking me for my years hard work could be claimed back on the tax that I never pay because I don't earn enough money to pay any? Surely?
Right then. That's settled. I'm off to the bottle shop. Must remember to get a receipt, and try not to loose it in my haste to down entire bottles of port in one go. That's what I call a Merry Christmas.
Cat posts here in between missing a proper workplace and making her own festive fun
Christmas Carols
What makes people all gather together and sing some of the worst written songs in the history of man? The only think that would make less sense is if we all gathered once a year to sing the combined team songs of the AFL
Seriously, name one Christmas carol that's won an award for great songmanship? Do you ever see them sung in the Hitsofalltime night for X-Factor? Aside from Jingle Bells and Merry Christmas how many of them are actually memorable, and lets face it we only remember Jingle Bells because its
1. Short
2. and in year 2 it was the first rude song we sung
But whats worse than the carols? Carolling.
What the frack possesses people to gather in groups and travel around to sing these songs? What? To spread festive good will? Raise money for the poor ( usually, ironically the deaf) Is it some sort of door to door crap song evangelism?
If you want to spread good will to me, gather in your conveniently similar dressed festive clothes, stick on your Go-Lo $3 Reindeer horns, come around to my house, knock on my door and give me a bottle of wine then piss off. There's your festive goodwill there and then and none of that noncey noncey silent night shit and come all ye faithful.
Seriously, name one Christmas carol that's won an award for great songmanship? Do you ever see them sung in the Hitsofalltime night for X-Factor? Aside from Jingle Bells and Merry Christmas how many of them are actually memorable, and lets face it we only remember Jingle Bells because its
1. Short
2. and in year 2 it was the first rude song we sung
But whats worse than the carols? Carolling.
What the frack possesses people to gather in groups and travel around to sing these songs? What? To spread festive good will? Raise money for the poor ( usually, ironically the deaf) Is it some sort of door to door crap song evangelism?
If you want to spread good will to me, gather in your conveniently similar dressed festive clothes, stick on your Go-Lo $3 Reindeer horns, come around to my house, knock on my door and give me a bottle of wine then piss off. There's your festive goodwill there and then and none of that noncey noncey silent night shit and come all ye faithful.
The Post Office
What a magnificent thing our postal service is. You write a little something to someone anywhere in the world, shove it in an envelop, put the address on (for anywhere in the world I must repeat) put a square of sticky paper on it and give it the nice peeps down at the post office
and they deliver it! Magnificent
and at Christmas you can go up with your parcel of goods to send to Aunty Christine and the kids, possibly wrapped, possibly not. Not important but you grab the postpak and take the armful up but then it doesn't fit so you have to go around again but its okay we can wait because the post office is a wonderful place and we love sitting in the line heck why not comeback say three or even four times with quite specific question but its okay we can wait because the post office is a wonderful place and we can browse their collection of slim dusty CDs and mobile phone prepaid plans while you work out how to put everything in a box which none of us think your presents will fit but its okay we can wait because the post office is a wonderful place and we have nothing else to do and why not take all the desk spec with your things its okay you have obviously never been in a post office before or even knew they had a website www.auspost.com.au/ which provides details on postpaks and weights and things but that's okay we can wait\ its all Christmas cheer which is a little different form the cheer we all make when you finish
and a quick shout out to my favorite post office. Fitzroy north, Scotchmer St 068. A great combination of slow, confused and annoying (if I have the card from my PO Box its is probable my card as I would need the key to get it out! )
and they deliver it! Magnificent
and at Christmas you can go up with your parcel of goods to send to Aunty Christine and the kids, possibly wrapped, possibly not. Not important but you grab the postpak and take the armful up but then it doesn't fit so you have to go around again but its okay we can wait because the post office is a wonderful place and we love sitting in the line heck why not comeback say three or even four times with quite specific question but its okay we can wait because the post office is a wonderful place and we can browse their collection of slim dusty CDs and mobile phone prepaid plans while you work out how to put everything in a box which none of us think your presents will fit but its okay we can wait because the post office is a wonderful place and we have nothing else to do and why not take all the desk spec with your things its okay you have obviously never been in a post office before or even knew they had a website www.auspost.com.au/ which provides details on postpaks and weights and things but that's okay we can wait\ its all Christmas cheer which is a little different form the cheer we all make when you finish
and a quick shout out to my favorite post office. Fitzroy north, Scotchmer St 068. A great combination of slow, confused and annoying (if I have the card from my PO Box its is probable my card as I would need the key to get it out! )
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