Real Estate Agents

...are crap

End of rant

But seriously. They really are.

"Why you ask" already knowing the answer

It's not because they advertise their properties so maliciously with their artful photographhs that hide the fact that you would have to open the front door to exhale and their genre literary writing of their housing descriptions.

It's not because they make you jump through so many hoops to be able to open your wallet and pour it into theirs at rent time, with referees on applications which they never call, certainly seeing none fo them have the highly developed communication skill of talking.

It's not just because their avergae age is 19, similar to their IQs, and their suits have been bought form the factor outlet and they spend more time on their mobile texting than engaging in anythign like face to face communication

It's not just because they are totally incapable of turning up on time for anything. Ever. Including the ten measly minutes they have a property open.

It's not just because they never do what they say they will, hello bin without wheels which was to be replaced the next week and still has no wheels almost 6 months later. I look at you through the window which doesn't open. Again to be fixed next week. 

It's because their inspections are a sham. Yes. A sham.

You  clean the place in preparation for their laughingly called regular inspection for them to walk into the kitchen and then walk out

Yes, they walk into the kitchen, pick up the form you have filled in highlighting everything they haven't fixed and they they walk out. If you are there they may chat. But I don't know why you'd want to talk to those 9 to 5 junior drones who have a life ahead of them solely of desk jockeying, matching stationary, the newest mobile phone, getting pissed at the local on the weekend and the intellectual and cultural depth of a pigeon.

They just inspect the kitchen. and when i say inspect i mean they WALK INTO THE KITCHEN AND THEN WALK OUT!!! That's it. End of story. That's the whole deal

What are the going to discover in there then? That the oven has dissipated, that your crockery doesn't match, that the place smells from the dead bodies in the pantry. That you have set up a meth lab to subsidize the ridiculous rental amount they charge (and everyone knows you set the meth lab up in the laundry next to the whiskery distillery and the washing machine. Ridiculous. 

Is it so hard to walk around the house, I don't know, maybe go crazy and check you haven't put more hooks up (which you haven't), marked the carpet (which you don't) and have kept the place in a generally good shape (which you do)

They walk into the kitchen. They walk out. There goes your three monthly inspection

What a pointless waste of time, effort and me putting Pinot the worlds smallest Black Panther in a catery for the day

Pinot the Worlds Smallest Black Panther providing secretarial duties


Mohandas Gandhi said...

Your problem could be solved by simply purchasing a house. I sense
much anger in your writings, also many spelling mistakes.

Anonymous said...

oh how true all this is but you know what? I'm done with it. Fuck them! I'm putting a hook up!

Paula said...

For the last month i have been ranting about house inspections being shit !

My problem isnt the cleaning - or them just walking in than out - it's the me sitting at home ALL DAY waiting for them and they dont show up !!!

Anonymous said...

Hope little Pinot survived the catery. That cat has a killer purrrrr

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