Ten easy steps to be a social networking expert

1. Make sure you follow everyone back who follows you on one of your multiple twitter accounts as anyone with a lot of followers must be great! Right on! Also show your sincere thanks for their vote towards your online awesomeness by sending them an automatic DM hello! which shows your sincerity, sincerely speaking.

2. Name drop the next social networking thing at every opportunity, regardless of a) if it exists, b) if it works and/or c) you have any idea what it does. If you don't know what the next one is, make it up as its not like anyone actually can use a search engine like you.

3. Keep your facebook profile open because everyone wants to see your photos because you are awesome even though "facebook is so over now its all about (refer point 2)

4. Make sure your profile has the disclaimer "the views on this account are my own" despite the irony of the fact that you 'work' for yourself.

5. Be confident that irony isn't a new social networking site so you don't need to know it.

6. Talk in the real world with the same self centred assuredness that you have online where you retweet all mentions of yourself and like to repost other peoples thoughts as your own because they just said what you were thinking.

7. Don't admit that you ever used My Space.

8. Freely use terms like forward thinking, analytics, click-through and online brand reputation management. If challenged about any of these do a smug chuckle and action point 2

9. Develop a smug chuckle

10. and if all else fails you can always sell snake oil, a bridge or winnings in a lottery from the UK

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