A guest post by Jimmy the Jawa
Why I hate Ewoks (or as i like to call them the Dirty Furry Balls of Hate)
People often ask me Jimmy why do you hate the ewoks so much (they also ask me if they can buy droids which is bit insulting as I got sacked from the Sandcrawler years ago after a certain casual clothes Friday incident. Insensitive)'
Ewoks are smelly, rude, obnoxious and over hyped. I am sick of seeing yet another Star Wars merchandising bonanza including yet another ewok inclusion. Toys, clothes, books, cups, shoes, lplush things, next there will be the ewok tom tom. Its crap.
Type Jawa merchandise into Google and what do you get? Nothing. How are we ever meant to get out of the desert, out of these scratchy robes and into some fine threads without some royalties?
But its not just the economic inequality which annoys me or the fact they only appear in one movie while Jawas are all over the place (cause we are movie magic).
Ewoks are evil. Utinni? utinni! UTINNNIIIIIII
Yes. Evil. Remember Return of the Jedi? They were going to eat Han, Leia and Luke. Yes Nommy nom nom noms on the heroes. They eat humans! They weren't burning Vader as some sort of last rites, he was a BBQ for the party, to go with the stormtroopers shishkebabs
Have you ever wondered why there isn't any movies after. The little shitballs ate everyone. Thats right. Everyone. The whole new order to the universe became rissoles
and they smell like burnt hair
and eat with their mouths open.
and don't return their library books on time.
Ewoks. Dirty furry balls of hate
and people say Jawas are bad. All we did was cruise around the desert, wave our arms in the air, sold a little second hand goods and shout utinni on select occasions. When did that become offensive? utinni