Diary from Dullsvile

Dear Perth

This is a latte

(although I do prefer mine in a glass)

This is NOT a latte

Perth, you don't deserve coffee you cashed up bogan fools if you insist on calling this milky abomination of weak burnt coffee bean lost in a  torrent of over scorched milk a latter. This is not a letter, it is a reason people despair. AND I DON'T NEED A HANDLE ON MY GLASS

And don't go telling me its a good place to raise kids, whats the point if you don't have good coffee to keep you going? No point. None at all. Google latte you fools before we decide to cut you adrift for reasons of crimes against society. We don't need your stinky mine money you bunch of daylight-saving fearing throwbacks to the Menzies era.

and if anyone ever says Hi I'm a Barista from Perth I  will kidney punch them then stomp on their squishy bits while laughing in a high pitched manner, sounding not unlike a frog being stepped on

PS Coffee that costs $4.50 is frankly inhuman and is most likely against some Geneva convention somewhere, I am ringing up Angelina Jolie and telling her and she will be coming over with her mutant looking children and old Beardy Mcfilmdude and will be doing something about you people. Yes. She will.

PPS We will talk on the ridiculous price of everything in Perth later, after I have a calming latte and a lie down