An open letter

Dear Scientific Community of Australia

Hello. I know you all do great stuff and I know the world at large doesn't know the clever stuff we do (aside from the Hills Hoist, spray on skin, the orbital engine and the Aussie oi oi oi chant  ) I know there has been lots more. How can we ignore wool clothing with a permanent crease,  zinc cream, the aircraft's black box and of course the Wine cask. ( which, no surprise to anyone, was invented in Adelaide)

Despite this tidal wave of cleverness I cannot say we are a clever country. Why not you ask? I have two words for you

Cane Toads

What the fuck were you thinking?

You introduced a venomous and mean as fuck toad to catch a moth that lived at the top of the sugar cane and toads can't jump! They can't jump? No jumpy jumpy for MR Toady. Well done Einsteins So what did they do? Get bored and go and eat other things. Every thing

Now they are everywhere. EVERYWHERE. and admittedly we can live with sacrificing Queensland for them, but there is a colony in Sydney, they have been found in Melbourne and it's just a line of tracksuit wearing freaks keeping them at bay in Western Australia

Where will it stop?

By 1945 they had reached Brisbane, early 1980s Burketown, 1983 Iron Range on the Cape Yorke Peninsula, 1994 the tip of the Cape, 2001 Kakadu National Park and by 2003 cane toads were established at Yamba and Port Macquarie. The cane toad is expanding its range southwards at about 1.3 kilometres per year.

1.3 Km a year! One day the little fuckers will be hopping down every street of the country and tidal wave of amphibian obstinate hate and you know what'll happen then? The Wombats will attack! Those shifty round furry balls of loathing will roll into town and start chewing their way through our society. And you know who will be at the head wombat, riding it as the leader of the new wombat order. Of course you do...The Grainger 

I told you all I would be your Grand Overload one day and subvert you all to my whim you worthless small minded minions to be. Bwa-ha-ha-ha  
Well done you stupid nob head scientists. You have damned us all to hell


Captain Angry Ranty Pants

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