Rants from the grumpy side of life: Airports.... again

Airports. They use to be fun.

I remember when a trip to an airport was an eye opening event full of funness and frolics, the sense of optimism hanging in the air as you met Auntie Whatsherfacce arrive from someplaceelseville. You’d sneak into the toilets and check all the funny vending machines, maybe use a bit of money to buy yourself a disposable toothbrush with bristles that could scour steel. You’d read the arrivals black and white television to see the 6 flights arriving from funny other places, maybe go to the newsagents to get something you couldn’t get anywhere else. Maybe go through the security reader, past the bored operator who stared blankly at nothing hoping that the machine may go ping and you would be waved through as obviously not a security risk.

Airports were fun, exotic and exciting. Fun. Airports=fun.

What happened?

Ignoring for the moment the anal level of security and how that's taken the fun out of airports. I have now been bomb checked so many times that I can run the machine myself and by reflex head straight to the bored operator. I also now know that if i do ever make a bomb I won't put my hands in my pockets, in my bag or unzip my fly.

The main reason airports are crapper than they ever were was they made airflights so cheap that people from the suburbs could afford them. (and don’t start me on people from the suburbs. Read my blog Adelaide for more on this subject. And yes, I haven’t written it yet! Patience!)

Now the Airport is like some sort of souped up uber-shopping centre, reminiscent of the suburbs these people are coming from. (I must briefly apologise for the use of uber. Won’t happen again. At least it wasn’t Zeitgest).

The airport. That melting point of average. It’s the super shopping centre of someplace else (its always disappointing when alliteration lets you down. Kind of like a kindy teacher who gives you a D)

Parking at Airports is like a shopping centre (except of course no shopping centre do you have to empty your wallet to pay for staying thirty minutes in it),

You can never find a trolley that works (and has paying for trolleys really stopped stealing of trolleys or just put a generation of trolley delinquents out of a job? Where can the young prebuscent boys get socially demeaning jobs, that pay little and increase your chance of getting bashed up on a Thursday night? And. And! If we had more opportunities for Trolley boys would Corey have held that party? Of course, I agree the excitement fell out of the Trolley Boy industry when they banned the Oky strap. Sad days but still...Trolley Boys, their absence as a viable career is felt.

Airports are full of generic crap. Three newsagents in the average Airport and they are the same. Exactly! Why can’t there be an interesting little book shop? A music shop. Bugger it, A petshop. Why does it have to be just stuff you bring on planes. And if it is just stuff you can bring on planes being sold why can you buy luggage at an airport? Bit late for packing isn’t it?

It’s overpriced, maybe this doesn’t link to the average shopping centre but ITS OVERPRICED! Talk about screwing your captive market. No wonder American Express is advertising there. You need a gold credit limit to buy your water, pack of mints and a magazine to read.

It’s full of people you wouldn’t invite over. I don’t think we need to discuss this much more

It’s full of people you wouldn’t invite over. Well it is isn’t it?

It’s full of people you wouldn’t invite over. Go on, make conversation in the queue next time then if you don’t agree

It’s full of people you wouldn’t invite over. And they all stand too close to the luggage carousal. One step back people do you really think that your luggage will come out quicker if you stand knees pressed against the metal! One step back and we can all see what’s going on. One step back and we can out luggage off without having to break the laws of physics in getting it off, and I don’t know what the laws of physics are but I am sure one of them is take one step back dickwad and we can all go further in this life. It is you luggagecarouselcanoodlingcockrags that are holding civilisation back! One step back. One! Step! Back!

and while at luggage, lets pause a little and look at the new tactic of airlines encouraging people to fly by keeping their advertised prices down by making everything an add-on cost. Food, luggage, entertainment, checking in with a real person. Where will this end? Hostess attention will be paid on demand, toilets with coin slots, window seats extra

This habit of paying for luggage is particularly disturbing. Not because its an awful added cost (which it is but if you can afford to fly then cough up your luggage money tight arse) but because of the ridiculous level of luggage people bring as carry on

This is not carry on luggage