Conspiracy Theories

I love a good conspiracy theory.

I believe
  • that Jim Morrison is still alive and living with the head of Walt Disney and Lord Lucan in Santiago, Chili. They play a lot of cribbage I hear
  • that the world is run secretly by Yales Skull and Bones society and they are secretly manipulating for panty raids to be curriculum. 
  • that Tom Cruise is real and not an animation
  • that a chiropractor can actually fix all complaints with their all purpose utility tool
  • And of course aliens walk among us. (cross reference Perez Hilton)
I am obviously open minded, (so open minded that things can land in my open skull and birds shit in it.) I romanticize that Big Foot is out there, if only for the sub genre of romantic fiction that has emerged about him (or her) to become recognized as literature and not just the crap writings of some really really weird people from America. ( Heck it happened for Charlene Harris)

I know the Loch Ness monster exists. His name is Hugh but he now works for the Ministry for the Interior filing and Hanger 18 is actually next door to Hanger 17 and that’s where all the good things are and yes there was multiple gunmen who killed Kennedy ( but who were they really aiming at?)

Of course my father was a Freemason and thus aside from the secret handshake (put your left arm on your right elbow when gripping the persons left hand and simultaneously emit a whiny noise while crossing your eyes and then you will become a captain of industry) as a result I do indeed know all the secrets of the Universe (and those i don't i just Google

What I didn’t know was this




This is obviously big and disturbing news

Or George Lucas is really going to kill the Star Wars franchise with some really out there prequels

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's worrying

Anonymous said...

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Captain Ranty Pants said...

Thanks. You have made me momentarily less grumpy