An Open letter

Dear Oprah,

Hi!

Welcome to Australia (okay I have heard some whisperings that you've been here for a few days already but I've been busy)

I like you. I really do. I admire what you have done with your career and your integrity as a person. I particularly like your support of books and the fact you are no longer friends with Dr Phil but

and I am sorry there is a but

I am a little concerned about your trip here.

Not that you are coming. ( Welcome btw!) or that you are bringing a plane load of your viewers ( welcome to them as well, although to the one who said "I am getting an experience money can't buy" Thanks but you can. Its called tourism and traveling.

No, what worries me is that you are getting, and in return will broadcast, a very summarized version of Australia. Possibly this is what tourism is, but I know you. You're smart. People listen. maybe you could be a bit broader that "G'day from Down-under" while you sip your Mc cafe coffee (you know we don't do that don't you? Don't you.

So to be helpful I have included a few dot points which may help you understand Australia in a broader sense and not in a focused, generalized, commercialized (and paid for) way

• We don't all say Gday. In fact the only time I have said it, I was working in a Pizza Express restaurant in England trying to get more tips
• We aren't a country of the outback. We are actually a highly urbanized city nation. (Oh can you take your faux akubra off now please)
• It's not all about sport for us. We also have a vibrant (if not underfunded) cultural sector. Sydney Olympics? Great opening ceremony? The arts.
• Paul Hogan is no longer relevant and we call them prawns now ( Always have)
• We are not a classless society. We have those who earn a lot and spend it in a way so we know they have it, those who earn a bit but spend more than they have and those that have much and we don't provide good enough services for but donate a little at Chrissy to alleviate our guilt.
• Neighbors is a fictional show. 
• Ulurus quite magnificent isn't it? The way we have treated its owners isn't. Maybe ask some questions?
• Koalas are cute ( I am sure by now you would have held one. That's okay. people do) They are on the way to extinction.We are an island nation who has done a great job of screwing our unique bio diversity. Has anyone mentioned Cane Toads?
• We are a nation of immigrants. Did you know that there is an amazing Italian fishing port in Fremantle. WA? Or incredible Vietnamese Population in Cabramatta, NSW or Maltese in Melbourne. They are Australians too.  (Actually you may like to say this fact to our politicians. They forget)
• We have an incredible level of success in pursuits of science and innovation. People forget this. And our population is only about 22 million.
• Bondi isn't the best beach in Australia
• Toorak is Toorak. We are a widely diverse country so please don't feel that's a good cross section or that we are easily summarisable
• The only people who drink coffee at McCafe are the people who think Instant + coffee isn't an oxymoron. 

Anyhoo, a few points to broaden your experience. Have fun. Say good things. Maybe inspire a few people to come on over.

Oh, just so you know, Curtis Stones $10 recipes at Coles cost much more than $10. He's a nice guy though, just can't add up

Regards

Captain AR Pants esq