Tracksuits

It seems we have come to one of those moments when your good Captain has to remind you of something. On this occasion, the correct times to wear a full tracksuit

Never.

So stop it. all of you. Wrong! You can never, ever wear a full tracksuit in public. Never

Well okay next to never.

There are a few very select occasions when it would be permissible to garb yourself to head to toe in matching clothing of stretchy material

1. You are in a sports team. On this occasion you are allowed to wear it to and from the game and when you are sitting on the bench. No other times. Never. Ever . Also once retired from afore mentioned team you are not allowed to frame it to put it up in your den. It is not a moose you shot in the woods. It is a silly garment.   
2. You are contractually obliged to wear it. Then you are money hungry bastard you deserve all the scorn that can be poured on you for wearing such an insult to fashion and style everywhere. Go and choke on your sports drink.  
3. You are Snoop Dogg and you are awesome We obviously do not need to spend any time discussing the afore mentioned awesomeness of the Dogg. he is allowed to wear a full tracksuit and when he and I start on our spoken word and rap tour " The Captain and the Dogg; Rhymes, rants and racey ladies" then I too will be allowed to wear a full tracksuit. Only then.
4. You are at home Obviously if you are residing on Club Couch then of course you can rock out the full tracksuit. In fact zipperless attire is the dress code of the club. Obviously when the pizza arrives you will have to change into a nice pinstripe suit but at all over times Club attire is comfy clothes, if not Defcon Pajamas time.
5. You are Italian Well they can seem to rock it as a look. Although you need to be the stylish sort of Italian and not the guy who runs my local deli

Which leads me to the biggest point of concern with this whole full tracksuit disease. When did tracksuits become the standard for school uniform? What are we teaching our kids? That school is comfy time? That its okay to signal surrender with our clothes?

It is juts plain wrong turning our children into an army of tracksuit wearing slobs. This must stop now. Who is this generation going to grow up to be? There's enough people in the Western Suburbs we don't need more moving out there so they can blend in

But what can they wear in its place Captain? I hear you cry

The Kaftan.

Stylish, timeless, magnificent. Warm in winter and cool in Summer and wonderfully gender unifying as well as making Australia's a truly multicultural nation. The design options make it ideal for schools to show their colors in one more step back to the good old days of tribalism. Obviously the really forward thinking schools will replace the national anthem with one of Kamahls latest and greatest and on special occasions a school rendition of Goldfinger with everyone wearing the schools uniform of Shirley Bassey wigs.

Hell while we are at it lest make kaftans the clothes of choice for national sports teams, too! Why not? Who doesn't want to see Punter rocking the green and gold kaftan? No one, that's who. When you think of it there is much more advertising space on the kaftan so obviously those corporate hoars sportsmen making a little extra can now make more. Goody.

The kaftan is just win-win

In short. Full tracksuits=bad. Kaftan=win

The post was written by the Captain wearing his favorite Batik print royal blue full length (with stitched hem) kaftan. 

Incidentally the Captain is always open to promoting things on his kaftan but must point out he doesn't leave the house and when he does he generally clotheslines bike riders, hisses at people and talks to dogs