subtitled "the dim f**wits that use them!" Okay some simple rules for catching a tram (and all public transport but i avoid the rest for reasons of future rants).

1. Wait until people get off till you get on. Simple bloody everyday courtesy, and yes i will kick you in the shin Ms IhavetogetonrightnowandhugthreticketmachinebecauseitfeelsliketheNormandylandings if i ever see you again. People! the tram isn't going to leave without you, but then again maybe it should! And you retired types can really wait on the platform a few more seconds!

2. Phone plus public transport means you are a tosspot. We, and by that i obviously mean I, don't need to hear how stupid you are as you talk loudly to your lover, family member or the latest 0055 number you subscribe to. it why they invented text messages so i don't have to hear you rabbiting your puerile shite over the phone and when i can hear both sides of your bloody conversation there is something wrong.

3. Loonies please stop catching trams and thinking i am interested, available or able to make conversation with you. The answer is no, or more precisely Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the headphones mean that i am not listening and in fact cannot listen as they are surgically attached.

4. Headphone users i don't need to hear your repetitive driving beat of crap downloaded drivel you need to have on at full ball. And pull your pants up!

5. Ticket inspectors? Why is it that a person who is young gets fined when they say "I haven't got change" but if you are over thirty, respectably dressed or a gray hair then you are let off and /or shown how to operate the machine. Hmmm. when the revolution comes the wall will be waiting for you high panted, crossword completing freaks. Although I am happy that Centrelink have some where to send the long term unemployed

6. Tram Drivers. Again good job Centrelink. And to the driver on the Number 8 who can pilot a tram full of people while speaking on his Mobile Phone. Good job buddy!

Some general areas we can all improve on which will make the whole tram experience better for everyone, and most importantly me. Drive Cars. Who gives a shit about your eco footprint or whatever, it's all going to shit in a hand basket anyway. Drive f**kers and leave the tram to me. Or drive me, as long as you don't talk or interact in any way with me.

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